I went to Taylor for the History majors senior banquet tonight. It was quite an encouraging and inspiring evening, overall. I'm so thankful I've gotten to be a part of the history department at Taylor. Even though they're old school with the whole Senior Comps thing, the professors are definitely quality and I've always felt like they've supported and believed in me and wanted me to succeed in wherever God is leading me. I had to get to Upland pretty quick after school let out and had to drive back to Indy, but it was worth it.
I've been getting so emotional lately, especially when people talk about God always bring with you, not fearing the future, being a light, and being hope... and when I think about my students. I thought I had problems, and then I met my students. I finally lost it on the drive back. After being two months of existing in the "real world," where teachers are overcome with cynicism, children lose their innocence too fast, people are replaced by assessments, and just when you give your heart to people you have to leave them, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. Every time I go back to Taylor and see people there I get a bit thrown off, and it was a stressful day at school. I'm sure this was part of it, too. Amidst a caffeine rush, questioning my effectiveness and purpose in the schools, and tears for the pain I see everyday, I found an ounce of peace and that was enough. I am where I am and it is good. "I gave them to you." I am hope in a dark world. It is hard, but in my weakness, He is strongest. Let that be enough.
--- Let this world know me by Your love ---
4 comments:
Don't ever lose the softness in your heart, feel things and love people deeply... what you do and who you are always matter eternally!
In reading a book by Tony Campolo, one of the ideas he put forth was God's Kingdom is wherever God reigns. From that point on I thought of myself like a sort of Kindom Embassy and the space around me in a small circle was kind of like being on God's sovereign territory. It changed how I saw things, and I ultimately saw that just by me being in a place, God could do things. I was a conduit for His purpose and will, without any action of my own . . . just as long as I was under His Lordship and seeking to be a representative of His in whatever location I found myself.
Amy, I don't know you very well, but from our brief time together, it seems you have a loving, warm and compassionate heart. As a parent, it makes me excited that you will teach children like mine! Kids in public (and private) schools need teachers like you.
As a home health nurse, I have an insight into homes and families that few have ... a behind the scenes look. It is an honor to be allowed in ... and sometimes it is hard. The emotional wounds carried by my patients may be greater than the physical ones. There is only so much one person can do, yet I feel God has led me to this place - this position - these patients. I try to be sensitive to His leading and show His love to everyone I meet in word or deed. It can be draining. Sometimes a good cry is a release.
Take good care of yourself! I know He will use you in ways you can only imagine right now!
Roo's mom
PS: Have you seen Dangerous Minds? I just watched it this week. It is a great teacher-flick.
I'm friends with rebecca, and I crept onto your blog.
This was really well written.
I understand your fears all too well. Thanks for putting words to my heart.
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