Sooner Or Later (Soren's Song)

Listen here

Come back and haunt me
Follow me home
Give me a motive
Swallow me whole

They say I've lost it
What could I know
When I'm but a mockery?
I'm so alone

Sooner or later you'll find out
There's a hole in the wall

Today is ours
Condemned to be free
Free to keep breathing
Free to believe

I look to find you
Down on my knees
Oh God, I believe!
Please help me believe

Sooner or later they'll find out
There's a hole in the wall
Sooner or later you'll find out
That you'll dream to be that small


I gave it all away and lost who I am
I threw it all away
With everything to gain
And I'm taking the leap
With dreams of shrinking

Come back and haunt me
Follow me home
Give me a motive
Swallow me whole

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/switchfoot-lyrics-sooner-or-later-sorens-song-1gvt57t#ixzz1mCutfuJ0

A jolting halt before continuing on her way

The whirlwind travel has caught up with me and now I realize that miss people.

A lot.

I've had a slow weekend.  Some very wonderful things happened, but my spirit feels heavy and tired.  I saw a picture of a friend and me from two weeks ago and I realized how much ground I covered in a very short time.  It's so difficult to be human and do the right thing when you're tired.

In the week since I've come back, I've really pushed it to make up for lost work hours.  Too much to do; mind spinning too fast to sleep.  Maybe it's just time for a good cry...  I have one week to get myself together before another flight.  But this one will be a spiritual journey, a pilgrimage, and hopefully I will return with a healed heart.

Sometimes I am silent

But I'm not thinking anything great.  I'm still and quiet, but I don't have anything to say.  I wish I were river or an ocean, but I feel like a pond.  My writing should be better and I should have more to share.  But sometimes, more often than not, I put my mind to rest and sit.

Where do you find the inspiration to keep thinking and speaking?

"You can never go home."

I've been back four days and it's not home.  But I'm still having a good time.  I forgot how late nights go here.  I haven't gone to bed before 1:30am.  The first night a we watched a friend's band, the second night we went to my friend Sharlene's wedding and danced late into the night, and last night dinner and a movie with friends turned into a bizarre evening of Catholic youth group and San Mig Lite.  This is Never Never Land.

Today we're going to church in Makati and then somewhere with Christine's family to go swimming.  Yesterday we stayed in bed most of the day.  My first day we had lunch at Cibo which thankfully has not changed a bit.  Mostly things are the same.  The weather is the same always- around 85/29, high humidity, chance of rain.  I've heard the same The Corr's song five times that was big 10 years ago.  For the most part the fashion is the same.  There have been some renovation changes to Alabang Town Center, but it's basically the same.  Everything smells the same it always did.

What has changed?

I'm different.  And I see it all through different eyes.  Eyes that ask the question, "Could I live here again?"  I feel a lot of peace here.  I remember parts of my soul that came alive here.  I grew up a lot here.  But I like where else I've been and where I am now.

The Summer Search

The theme of this summer has been seeing where God is working and join in, for however long I am there.  Traveling around (a lot!), I've seen Jesus in a youth community center, in a hospital waiting room, and in the blessed union of marriage.

But I never really expected to see Him like this.  I had anticipated a few weeks of relaxing, spending time with family, and maybe finding another organization to volunteer with.

Ever since Grandma hurt her ankle, I've gotten a much bigger feel for how her life goes.  It's to the tune of mowing the lawn, gardening, taking care of the dog, helping grandpa to the bathroom and with most everything else, making and serving dinner, clearing away dishes, and a million other little things.  I don't know what she would do if my mom weren't here now. 

And now, as I sit eating dinner in front of a TV watching The Lawrence Welk Show and British comedies on PBS, I know that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Many thanks to, Anna, who teaches me to see Jesus in unlikely places.

PS I don't think American TV from 1967 was much different from what they were seeing in the Soviet Union.  Ah, it never gets old.

But really, what is a blog?

I know more people read this now and because of that I've changed the way that I write.  Now I do "updates," with a brief pondering every once in a while.  Some people can so successfully write about other things: books, films, travels, fashion, gardening tools, and bring up the big themes of life without actually saying it.  I hope that in some way this is what I do, but other times I feel I just need to come right out and say what I've been thinking.  If blog entries are any glimpse into a person's life, I used to be much more thoughtful, artistic, poetic, and now I just go places.  I'm also thinking of discontinuing the automatic flow of posts to Facebook. 

I'm on vacation this week and I already tonight I've been writing a lot of thoughts that I really want to share and hear other perspectives on.  I think my current stint as an English teacher and reading teenage poetry is encouraging me to write more.

Is this a forum for discussion, or a stage with a spotlight on me free to say what I want, but blinded to the knowledge of who is listening?

(except I'm kind of dying to know who in Tunisia recently visited the site)

Hearting trees

Jake said I really fit in with Seattle and took a picture to show me. This was the coolest tree, I should mention. We sought shelter under it during a not uncommon to this city spurt of raindrops. The top branches of it had been cut off, so after an initial ring of shade, rain was falling through the middle like magical mist. This picture was taken right before I went to Narnia.

Look who's back...

Sharkey!

I've {once again} got my life in a suitcase and I'm not feeling awesome just now. I want to throw everything away and break a window or something. Four months went by too fast. Five years went by... well, it took its time. I always knew this was going to come, but it's so strange that it's finally here- leaving Indiana, going off into the Great Unknown. I don't really have plans for life here on out, so if you want to hang out just let me know and be willing to make the trip to me sometimes.

Listening to: Alone in Kyoto {Air}

"I'm taking back my love"

About 5 minutes ago, while rocking out to Enrique, I realized that I am about to travel. Savour that word... trrraaaaaveeeeel. It's like a breath of air. Out comes all the things inspired by the nose ring, eye liner, a good suitcase, and an assortment of jewelery amassed throughout this big, beautiful world.

This is me.

Steps to Adulthood: Take 1

If you think that this is a shallow topic, you may as well stop reading now. After all, when compared to the bigger topics I could be using my blogosphere for, this may seem pretty menial. For, once again, I am going to write about my hair.

It all started Monday, when I realized that two weeks from that day, I would be living in a different house, with different people, wearing different clothes, driving to a different school, where I would be playing quite a different roll- teacher. In short, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. My immediate reaction was this: "I need to dye my hair."

If you are someone who sees me every day, you will know that this thought was never brought to fruition. Still, I could not help noticing every shade and every style that passed me in days following. I visited those websites where you can upload pictures of your face and try out different looks. I even got out the scissors to do the deed myself.

Yet, to no avail, for just today I turned a mental corner and became aware of the circles I have been meandering through. What am I even looking for? Am I wanting to look older or to just create a physical representation of the inner haze I could not otherwise release? In trying to look another way, perhaps to become someone else, am I really more interested in closing off this phase of life for the next? Was this Upland life so bad that I so quickly need to jump to the next step? Why do I suddenly not want to leave? Am I allowed to feel scared?

As I work through this set of questions, or until some others come along, I've come to a conclusion about the hair question: When everything is about to change, some things need to stay the same.

Illuminated

Notre grand amour est mort il faut le vêtir de blanc...

Les grandes amours sont frêles
Elles vacillent avec le temps
Les grandes amours chancellent
Les grandes amours sont folles
Elles sont folles de leur tourment
Les grandes amours cruelles.

A test tomorrow, meetings all week, coffee with friends, dinner dates, nourishing joy, sweet life.

Thoughts of: friendship, the one-sides, the risks we take, the "Yes'" and "No's" we tell each other, the drifting, honesty, and the contentment of letting go. I have a sad story, but all is not lost. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice... The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Resolution.

Clean clothes, made bed, dishes washed, homework getting done. By the grace of God, I'm going to beat the blah.

In search of...

the ability
to sleep and wake up refreshed
to run
to get things done
to read and comprehend
to pass exams
to make food that tastes good
and
to win the pirate treasure!